i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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