If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
