ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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