Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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