oh god the rape fog is back!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize