I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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