When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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