Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
