I hate all girls vehemently.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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