Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
no, he came in my armpit
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
