I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
