If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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