Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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