Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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