omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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