We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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