You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
