i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
