Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
