dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
