a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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