I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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