Dual....:-)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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