i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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