I could have mohawked her pubes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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