According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
