yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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