if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
