I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
