They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
