His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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