you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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