I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
