were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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