Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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