I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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