i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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