i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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