The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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