oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.