Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.