I accidentally had phone sex last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You need Xanax blowdarts
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.