My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome