I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hippo gnu deer
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
