Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
