Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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