but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
