I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
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When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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