Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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