My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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