Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
