you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
