If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
