Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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