i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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