Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Two words: blizzard sex
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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