I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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