were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
