someone threw a dead crab at me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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